The Maynard
Spring 2014

Ricky Garni

Things I Noticed in the Italian Restaurant Near the Mexican Restaurant Down the Street from the Car Crash with all the Policemen and People Yelling Help Help Help

On The Menu

It’s been a long time since I have eaten lasagna.
But sometimes it just looks like a monster movie to me.

Across The Street

I noticed that the price of gasoline is sometimes written
in yellow letters. Sometimes it is written in red. Never is it
written in purple or even, frankly, reddish purple.

While Waiting For Lasagna

I can usually tell what the temperature is like by taking off
my shoes and walking outside and falling asleep in a field of hay.

Maybe Later I Will Watch A Movie

Mickey Rooney was a short little boy, but all little boys are short.
What matters is what you do with yourself when you are shorter
than you eventually become, unless you grow backwards and then
burrow through the earth and into its luscious, molten core.

The Waitress Is Laughing About Something

The word ‘tip’ stands for ‘Thus Invented: Pulchritude.’ I learned this
from Lawrence Welk, who smiles a lot and plays the accordion all the time.

I Feel So Old

There’s nothing like the word ‘November’ except for the word ‘Nova’ which is a sort of flaming star that rains down on earth in the autumn and lights up the colorful fall foliage and makes you think about life.

Restaurants Are Funny

I drank a two year old wine with a four year old straw.